


On The Rocks

by Kosho



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drinking, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Outer Space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:42:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25186585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kosho/pseuds/Kosho
Summary: Kaidan didn’t want to be there, and Sara, fresh from the death of her father, in a job she never asked for, finds comfort in what might be the only person who can understand the feeling. Nights in Andromeda spent drinking with an empathetic shoulder.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Ryder | Sara
Kudos: 8
Collections: Mass Effect Big Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my MEBB entry, I got paired with the absolutely phenomenal th3morrigan, and I’m so pleased (and maybe a bit nervous) to present this.

So Scott wouldn’t be joining them. Man would he be disappointed. First humans on a new planet, in a new galaxy and he wouldn’t get to be part of that. Sara leaned against her locker, idly conversing with her fellow teammate, Liam Kosta when the last-minute recruit walked in. Quiet. Looked moody. The way he carried himself said enough to her: military. That much had been in the briefing, the short, poor excuse for a briefing anyway. Alliance, fresh from the Citadel, a quick mention of biotics and someone had thrown in Commander Shepard for good measure. 

He stood just a few lockers away, not far enough away to make an awkward attempt at a greeting seem unreasonable at least. 

“Hey, heard we’ll be working together. I’m Sara.” She said after rehearsing it in her head half a dozen times. 

Artifacts were her specialty, not people, not really. She and her brother were both Alliance Military, granted, but tech very rarely talked. Simply put, Scott would have handled it with more confidence than she had. 

“Kaidan Alenko.” He said, checking over his gear quietly. Sara figured that was the extent of it, until he finally glanced up again, offering a partial smile. Looked forced, at least to her. “Nice to meet you.” 

“Yeah! You too.” She said. 

Probably came out sounding as stupid as it had in her head. She popped her helmet on, quickly shuffling away like that would help him forget just how lame that was. Some of that previous excitement bubbled back up when she laid eyes on the shuttles. Even without certainty that this would be home, the thought of what could be waiting, combined with her father’s speech had kindled the fire of exploration again. 

Where it looked ominous, she wrote it off as probably just some normal apprehension. No one else looked overly concerned, surely it wasn’t worth worry? She filed into one shuttle, Liam leaning to watch out the window as well. It was nice being able to stretch and stand. Watching the scenery was soothing, up until the moment it wasn’t. Happened quickly, almost in the span of a blink. The shuttles were going down. Liam hanging from where the door was just a bit ago, then just gone. Alarms and shouting filled her head, the sound of air rushing back. Barely breaking her fall and mending her helmet was too close of a call. Too much not so great excitement all at once had her stomach clenching painfully. 

* * *

Waking up in SAM Node surrounded by people was not her idea of fun, not by a long shot. Everything was a bit hazy, but in the midst of it, she picked up on enough, enough to know things had gone sour. 

“Alec is gone.” 

“You’re the new Pathfinder.” 

Sara shook her head furiously. “Whoa, whoa! No way, Cora was supposed to be in charge if anything happened, she’s definitely more qualified. I should absolutely not be in charge of anything!” 

“Protest all you like, it’s done, and undoing it might kill you.” Seemed to be the message she was getting. Great. No. This was fine. If fine meant a completely terrible idea? Yeah, no. This was fine. 

Mentally reviewing the look on everyone’s faces, she could tell no one was really pleased, with the solitary exception of Kosta. Didn’t seem to mind the idea of her replacing her dad one way or the other. Cora appeared to be taking it fine, but the storm cloud over her head said she didn’t like it anymore than Sara did. Kaidan was a concern though. Barring one very awkward, if a little poor introduction hardly seemed worth the scowl. Might have meant “Great, she’s completely incompetent” or maybe something more like “This can only go terribly.” 

Thoughts which primarily occurred as possibilities of only because she was thinking exactly those same things. Leadership wasn’t really what she had been known for, and doubt in her ability to do so now was completely understandable. Barring any kind of formal training as to what a Pathfinder was actually supposed to do, learning as they went was her only real option. Sara hated the excuse that age had anything to do with it. In some people’s minds, being not much of an adult was no excuse. If she was old enough to be a contributing member of the team in the first place, she was old enough for this too. She and Scott were still playing dumb pranks together right up until they were leaving for Andromeda. Maybe if she channeled a little of her dad’s energy, there was a chance she could be taken seriously enough? 

“SAM, what’s next? What am I supposed to do?” She asked quietly, hanging her head with a loud sigh. “Can’t quite think straight.” 

“Understandable. You are still recovering, it may take a few days for you to adjust.” He said, adding. “We should set a course for the Nexus.” 

“I...don’t want to go out there yet. Any chance you could relay that for me?” Sara asked hopefully. 

“Of course.” There was silence for just a few moments before the ark lurched with a change of direction. “It is done, Pathfinder.” 

“Can you do me a favor?” She asked. 

“If it is within my capabilities.” SAM answered. 

“I...so long as this is private, can you at least call my by my name? It’s...a little distressing to be called that so soon after…” she trailed off, sighing. “Just...call me Sara.” 

“Of course.” He replied neutrally. 

This would take some getting used to as well. Sure, everyone on the team had access to SAM. That just seemed normal by that point, but having him integrated like this? Like hearing him directly in her head rather than over comms. Kind of felt odd. Oh, she wasn’t so concerned about how much control that gave SAM, not in the same way Lexi worried about. Sure, he could definitely hurt her, but what would be the point? No, it was more her wondering if that meant she’d ever have true privacy again. Could he tell what she was thinking? Not that he had actual eyes, but maybe he could ‘see’ what she saw? Did he have perception centered around her own? That was weird...was it? Why was that weird? 

Before she could reach a conclusion, she heard Cora’s voice. 

“Ryder, you might want to take a look at this. We’ve reached the Nexus but...just...come see for yourself. Something’s wrong.” She said uneasily. 

_“As if it couldn’t get more complicated…” she thought._

“I’ll be there in a bit...might be a bit slow…” Sara answered.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about that, but it doesn’t hurt to look. How bad could it be?” She muttered sarcastically.

Pushing herself to stand, she trudged out of SAM Node, torn between hoping it wasn’t Habitat 7 bad at least. As long as it wasn’t that bad? She could probably handle it. 


	2. Chapter 2

Sara was grateful she had a room on the Tempest. The one bright spot in the visit to the Nexus. Kandros was fine. Kesh was fine. Tann and Addison were problematic. Somewhere between upset that she was Pathfinder now instead of her father, and mantling her with solving every problem. 

“Settlement this, find the other arks that.” Like she knew this galaxy already and could just point it out. 

The Tempest was lovely. Smaller than the ark, but less chaotic. Less people to navigate around. For the first time since the mishap at Habitat 7, there was time to  _ breathe _ . Sara eyed the pillows for a moment. Couldn’t remember the last time she actually cried. Crying wouldn’t solve any problems. Wouldn’t wake Scott up, wouldn’t bring their dad back. 

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she looked around. Not a bad setup. Maybe even better than her apartment on the Citadel. Anything she could want. SAM had a place here, music, plenty of room for exercise. Even a good view. 

Impressive. Whole crew, and yet it just felt lonely. Sighing to herself, she got up, changing into something more comfortable. Same kind of thing she wore when she went jogging, honestly. Hell, if people already thought poorly of her, whether or not her shoulders were showing wasn’t going to make a big difference. 

“Ryder. Settling in alright?” She heard. 

Sara just about jumped until she realized it was Vetra. First person to check on her since leaving the Nexus. Felt nice. 

“Yeah, I was just checking out the Pathfi- my room, I guess…” she said after a moment. “It’s nice, no complaints.” 

“Glad to hear it. I’m not sure if you need anything else, but if you do, let me know.” Vetra told her. 

“Thanks…” Sara replied. “Hey…” 

“Yeah?” Vetra answered. 

“I get why Cora’s upset, makes perfect sense. Guess I get why Alenko’s mad too, but what about  _ you _ ?” She asked. 

“I’m not mad. Finally off the Nexus. Doesn’t matter who’s in charge to me. That said, I don’t doubt you’ll get things done. Just because it’s not the job you expected doesn’t mean you’re not qualified. Cora...yeah. I mean no one really expected to lose a Pathfinder so quickly, but…I don’t know. I can only guess how she feels. As for Alenko? I don’t think he’s mad at you. I mean, if you’re worried, you could just ask him?” Vetra suggested. 

“I mean...no, I ca-“ she began. 

“Hey, Kaidan.” Vetra called. 

“What?” He asked after a moment. 

“Ryder wanted to talk to you.” Vetra said. 

“No, that’s…” she mumbled. 

“She’s in her quarters.” Vetra announced. 

“Great…” Sara groaned. 

“You’ll be fine. You’re the Pathfinder now. Gotta get used to talking things over with your team. Sometimes there’s no problem. Sometimes there is. Better just to talk it over and get it out in the open than let it sit.” Vetra told her. 

“I guess…” She sighed. 

“Kaidan Alenko is at the door.” SAM told her. 

“Come on!” She called. “In! In!” 

There was no way this didn’t end with him thinking she was completely inept. 

“You wanted to see me ma’am?” Kaidan asked. 

Sara cringed at the term. Ma’am was a term she associated with older women, not for someone barely in her twenties. 

“I...we really haven’t spoken since Habitat 7. I understand if you’re not happy with my performance so far, I mean...I’m not really thrilled either, but I just wanted to assure you I’m going to do my best…” She explained awkwardly. 

On the spot like this, she didn’t have much of a chance to figure out what to say, and ‘nervous rambling’ was apparently her default. 

“Permission to speak freely?” Kaidan asked. 

“God, yes.  _ Please.” _ Sara groaned. 

“It’s not you I’m upset about. Not even Alec, really.” He told her. 

“Great!” She sighed in relief. “Ah. If...if it’s not in poor taste, what's going on?” 

Kaidan didn’t particularly want to talk about it. She was in charge now, and he supposed it could be better to get it out there sooner, rather than later. It was a fair ask, objectively. 

“With all due respect, I didn’t want to be here.” He admitted. “I had just spent time under Jane Shepard. I’m not even sure if anyone acknowledges it, or if it was completely swept under the rug. Dealing with a rogue Spectre, killing a reaper. Watched Shepard get spaced, and had only just begun to accept that, when I was pulled off my new assignment and  _ volunteered  _ for the Pathfinder team. My family is...was back in Vancouver. Dead by now, hell. Everyone I knew is probably dead. Not only that, but AI? Last time was the Geth. It  _ isn’t  _ you, it’s  _ this _ .” 

Sara kneaded the back of her neck. Yeah, framed like that, it made sense to be angry. Unsure how to even begin to reply to that, she pointed to her desk. 

“Do you want a drink? I could use a drink.” She said. 

“On the job?” Kaidan asked. 

“I don’t even know what the job  _ is _ yet.” She admitted. “Kallo said he’s got the coordinates. Might be a while.” 

“Just one.” He relented. 

Sara grabbed two glasses, retrieving the bottle from her desk. Presumably left as some sort of welcome gift. Handing one over, she leaned against the edge of the desk, shrugging. 

“I was Alliance before all this. Born and raised on the Citadel. My dad was an N7, and he trained Scott and I. Peacekeeping mostly. Worked with scientists looking for Prothean artifacts.” She told him, taking a drink. “Didn’t really want to leave, but Dad insisted. Still not sure how I’m going to tell Scott when he wakes up. It’s not the same, I get that, but it seems like some common ground, right? Maybe it’s something.” 

“Suppose you’re right.” He agreed. “Look...I’m not sure how I feel about having a heart to heart right now. I’m not going to have a problem following orders, but trust doesn’t come from nowhere. Give it some time.”

“20,000 sleeping people on the ark. Gonna be a while before they’re awake. Would it really be terrible to be friends too?” She wondered. 

“I won’t make any promises. That said, like you said, we have common ground. We’ll just have to see what happens. You planning to be friends with everyone, or am I special?” 

“Vetra, Kosta, are we friends?” She asked awkwardly. 

“Sure, Ryder.” Vetra said distractedly. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?” Liam agreed. 

“Does that answer your question?” She laughed. “I’m not used to being in charge, but I try to get along with everyone. All my friends were back home. I miss them, but that’s not going to stop me from trying to make new friends now. Besides, diplomacy works a lot better than trying to be intimidating.” 

Kaidan thought back to Shepard for a moment. Opposite approaches, it seemed. Shepard didn’t mind being intimidating, it got the results she wanted. Didn’t seem like a bad thing when the Council failed to act, but maybe she had a point. Dealing with people like Addison and Director Tann? Probably best to tread carefully for now at least...


	3. Chapter 3

Sara leaned back in her seat, tapping her fingers against her knee in thought. Eos was overwhelming, to say the least. Addison was a little bit less uptight now that there was an outpost. Scientific. Better that way. Military might just look like a threat in a system that had already proven hostile with the Kett. 

Plus, no way that wouldn’t come back to bite her in the ass later. PeeBee had settled in nicely, but after that vault? Even her plans to take a shower were on hold so she could just collect her thoughts and breathe. Silently and privately panic internally about coming so close to dying. 

Of course that was not at all accounting for that exact same thing happening on Habitat 7. Might not have killed her outright, who could say for sure, but had her father not intervened? That would have killed her there. Coming so close to death every time she turned around was starting to get very very old already. 

Meeting PeeBee had been tense too, but not like that. Getting tackled and sat on by an Asari? Nothing worth writing home for. Guns drawn and pointed in her general direction? Hell, on the Citadel that was a passable greeting. No, it was the vault, and the radiation and all the death that soured in her gut. 

“Sara, there is someone at the door.” SAM announced. 

“Shit.” She muttered, scrambling to stand. “Come in!” 

The door swished open, and Kaidan came in. He looked around as though it were the first time he had been there, really, anywhere but right at her. Sara sat back down, unsure what else to do. 

“That was...a lot to take in.” He said finally. “The Remnant, that vault...Prodromos.” 

“Addison took a moment to come up for air, at least. Just a moment though. Now she’s back up my ass about getting more colonies set up.” She said with a shrug. 

“Easier than dealing with the Council, at least. Suppose that’s a benefit.” He suggested. 

“Kesh and Kandros are the only sane people in charge of things. Addison and Tann...that’s another story.” Sara sighed. Leaning back in her seat for a moment, she reached in her desk, holding out the bottle. “I could really use a drink. How about you?” 

Kaidan looked like he was about to say something about it, but stopped. Nodding, he accepted the drink she offered. 

“I have to admit, I’m not used to such a...casual sort of approach.” He said. 

“I’m not used to leading. I’ve always just sort of hung at the back of everything.” She shrugged. “Never really had to be a leader.” 

Kaidan couldn’t say there was even real friendship with Shepard. Professionally distant always. Got the job done, regardless of what it took to do that. There was no solid reason to keep comparing her to Shepard. It was different from running on an Alliance ship, but different didn’t mean terrible. If there was one comparison he felt deserved to be focused on, Shepard was older, had been through a lot. Had seen and done more than most ever would. Ryder? Younger, less experiences and in over her head, overwhelmed, but still getting things done. Used humor instead of intimidation, appealed to people’s hearts instead of focusing on logic and numbers. Sure. Different wasn’t bad. 

He paused mid-drink, taking a moment to study her, probably for the first time beyond a quick glance. She was smiling, but it didn’t feel like she meant it. Pasted on for his benefit. No one else around, after all. The way she carried herself said it was bothering her still. Her eyes, a blue he couldn’t really think of the right word for, not that he planned to get poetic about them. Gentle though. He’d seen her throw people like it was nothing, seen her wield her biotics with brutal efficiency, gave Lieutenant Harper a run for her money, but she wasn’t trying to compete with her, didn’t care if she was better, really.  _ She was beautiful. _ Kaidan frowned at the edge of his glass. No idea where that even came from. 

“Any idea where we’re supposed to go now?” Kaidan asked, mostly to distract himself from reading too much into that thought. “Now that you’re basically free to plot your own course?” 

“I feel like it’s important to look into that vault. If that’s the key, or...even if it’s just a lead  _ to _ the key, I have to know.” Sara told him. 

“It’s not really my field. What exactly do you think makes it different?” He asked. 

“Honestly? Aside from it possibly being active? I couldn’t say. PeeBee seems to know more. I guess it only looked like I knew what I was doing because of SAM. Dad operated the vault on Habitat 7, but it’s all alien tech, nothing I’ve seen before. Maybe about 500 years old? Built before we arrived, so somewhere between when we observed this galaxy and when we arrived, obviously something happened. Maybe that vault will paint a clearer picture.” Sara guessed. 

She finished her drink, reaching for the bottle, holding it up in offering, a questioning brow raised.

Kaidan had to admit, it had definitely been an unexpectedly stressful mission, and another drink sounded good. Wouldn’t bother saying ‘just this once’, if things were going to keep going this way? It wouldn’t be the last time. 

“Sure.” He agreed. 

She filled the glasses again, shaking the bottle before throwing it away. 

“I’ll find something better soon.” Sara said. 

“My turn. Only fair.” Kaidan told her. 

She turned her focus to the view, taking a slow sip. Hell of a nice view. Not looking away, she lightly tapped her fingers against the side of her glass, her tone quiet when she spoke again. 

“I wanted to thank you.” Sara murmured. 

“What for?” He asked. 

“For Eos.” She said. “And...for now. Thank you.” 

_ Just doing my job _ felt like it was somehow a lie. Really, it was just that he recognized the way she carried herself. The others had things that kept them busy, but there was little enough to keep him occupied. 

“You don’t need to thank me. Just glad you’re doing alright.” Kaidan said after a few moments. 

He finished his drink, handing the glass back to her. She set them back in the drawer until they could stop somewhere. Sara had barely gotten the drawer closed when the ship lurched to a halt, sending him into the wall, and her out of the chair, landing half on him and half on the floor. 

Sara was about to inquire, but Kallo beat her to it. 

“You need to come to the bridge. We have company.” Kallo said. 

“Great.” She sighed. 


	4. Chapter 4

The crew had watched Ryder walk out, hands in the air. After a brush with the Kett, and some solid maneuvering through the Scourge, there had been no choice but to land, on fire, on an alien world. The reactions were mixed, concern tinged with curiosity. They hadn’t been allowed to follow, but the planet was beautiful. By far the nicest they’d seen since arriving. 

Vetra had come up to wait, Liam chewing his lip. 

“I mean, she’s gonna be okay, right?” Liam asked after a moment. “What am I saying, of course she will. Worried for nothing, yeah?” 

“You _are_ worried for nothing.” Vetra agreed. “Ryder can handle herself.” 

“No question. She wouldn’t have insisted on going alone if she didn’t think it was for the best.” Kaidan said, coming in with a cup of water. “Let’s not forget she’s learned diplomacy from having to deal with Director Tann.” 

“Must we bring him into this?” Kallo muttered. 

“Yeah. Of course.” Liam agreed. He crossed his arms, looking at Vetra for a moment. “Its taking a while though. I mean...first contact with the Kett was like...a few seconds before they started shooting.” 

“Then don’t you think it’s probably _good_ that it’s taking this long? They can’t _not_ know we’re here. They’d have tried to contact if they were keeping her. Made demands, or boarded themselves if they were hostile.” Vetra guessed. 

There was quiet for a long time, Just Suvi making quiet observations to keep it from getting too tense and uncomfortable. Vetra leaned closer to Kaidan, speaking quietly. 

“About what you requested before? I managed to track it down. Got a contact on the Nexus holding onto it for the next time we dock.” She told him. 

“That’s good news. How much does your contact want for it?” He asked. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve taken care of it already. It was an easy ask.” She told him. “I’m glad she’s got someone she trusts.” 

Not keen on continuing the conversation in front of everyone, he waved her to follow, ostensibly to look over R&D options. Vetra followed, leaning against the counter. Better to listen sometimes, rather than talk. 

“I don’t really think ‘trust’ is the right word. I think if anything, it’s probably just familiar. Both had dealings with the Alliance, both spent time on the Citadel. Yeah…the more I think about it, that’s reasonable, right?” Kaidan said with a shrug. 

“You know, in all this time, over all these weeks, have you ever seen anyone else in her room? Just you. That’s her space, it’s private. She doesn’t have to come out and say it for it to be true.” Vetra pointed out. 

“It’s not like I’m the only person she talks to. She hangs out with Liam, helped him move that couch he’s got. She talks to you. Suvi, Kallo. Gil. Even Drack. I mean. Takes a lot of trust to let a Krogan launch you like that head first into gunfire. By comparison, I don’t really do much. We just talk.” Kaidan said with a shrug. 

“So...what? You wanted that specific request for...the memories? To curl up with at night? Ryder might be a little naive, but I’m not. I see through it.” Vetra said knowingly. “This isn’t the Alliance. There’s room to relax. No regulations to hide behind. You act like I’m blind. I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at her lately. It’s _okay_.” 

Kaidan sighed, shaking his head. He crossed his arms over his chest. Must have gotten pretty close to it, if not right on the nose. Trying to keep some distance. 

“Okay. Okay. Maybe, _maybe_ , and that’s a very strong _maybe_ . I might think she’s...attractive.” He admitted guiltily. “It’s my job to have her back. If she fails at this, we _all_ fail. It makes sense to watch out for her. You do it too.” 

“The difference is Ryder and I? We’re friends, sure. I have her back, but I also know she can handle herself. She’s awkward, and naive absolutely. But she’s _Scared._ Lonely. She’s not going to admit to that when she’s got so much riding on her succeeding. Anything we left behind was 600 years ago, even if it still feels fresh. She _just_ lost her dad. Her brother is all she’s got, and no one knows when he’ll wake up. _If_. So I say, if she finds some relief in spending time with you? I’m glad.” She told him. 

Kaidan lent it some thought. She made good arguments, and really her life was, for the foreseeable future, the Tempest. Her crew was the only family she had. It was hard for everyone, but her wounds were the freshest. Had to imagine she probably blamed herself too. Her father died to make sure she lived, and he could only guess that was weighing pretty heavily on her. Yeah. Thinking of it that way? If she liked his company, if it took her mind off that? Any argument he could make seemed to pale in comparison. 

“You’re right…” he agreed. “I really hadn’t thought about it that way. I’d been dwelling on what I should have been doing, all the reasons I didn’t want to come here, all that I left behind, but there’s nothing I can do to change it. All the regret in the world won’t take me back. And even if it could, it’s still too late. I _can_ do something here.” 

“Gonna need everyone to gather around. We have company, need to update everyone and introduce everyone.” Ryder’s voice came over the comms. 

Vetra and Kaidan exchanged curious shrugs before heading up to wait, Liam and the others, save Suvi, Gil and Kallo following not long after. Liam and Cora looked over the side, trying to see who she was bringing on board. 

When she came up, it was with an alien at her back, staring at them apprehensively. She gestured for him to sit if he wanted. He did, sitting silently. 

“Uh. Well. Everyone, this is Jaal. He’ll be coming with us. To get access to the vault on Aya, we’re gonna help him out. Just… be nice? I’ve got the coordinates for where we need to go, I’m gonna go give them to Kallo, and then… I guess… dismissed until we get to…” she paused. “Where are we going?” 

“Voeld or Havarl.” Jaal reminded her. 

“I suppose Voeld?” She decided. “Sounds cool, anyway. But...yeah! Feel free to bunk down where you’re comfortable, not sure how long it’ll take to get there, but might as well take advantage of that time.” 

Vetra followed her down, a hand on her shoulder. “Ryder, do you have a second?” 

“Yeah, did you need something?” She asked. 

“I was just thinking. Got something I have to do on the Nexus, and I figured you’d want to check in on Scott, right? Maybe we should do that first. Guessing we don’t know how long it’s gonna be before we have another chance.” Vetra said. 

Sara bit her lip, thinking it over. “Yeah. I guess it wouldn’t hurt. I know Drack wanted to see Kesh too. SAM, forward the coordinates to the bridge, then plot a course to the Nexus?” 

“A moment, please.” SAM said. “It is done.” 

“Great.” Sara said. “It’s been kind of a stressful day, so I’m just go listen to some music and punch air in my room.” 

“That a human thing?” Vetra asked. 

“Dunno about a human thing, it’s a Ryder thing though?” She said with a shrug. 


	5. Chapter 5

Sara stretched out, staring up at the ceiling, her mind wandering through old memories. Right now, the only consolation was that after dealing with finding the Moshae, and checking out that vault, there would be a chance to just have a little free time. There was a lot of work before then, and too much to think about. Honestly, she didn’t even notice the door opening, or think much about the footsteps, until she felt the bed sag a bit. 

“How’s he doing? Any change?” Kaidan asked curiously. 

“No. He's not worse though, so that’s something…” she said. “I got to talk to him once, through our implants, but...I think I made it worse…” 

“What makes you think that?” He wondered. 

“I...he asked about H7 and about dad, and I couldn’t lie to him, I told him the truth, and he just...I don’t know, the doctor had to call it off…” she told him. 

“He’s going to be just fine. If he’s anything like you…” he trailed off. 

Standing up, he held his hand out. Sara stared at it for a moment, reaching to take it. He pulled her up, smiling. Nodding his head to the desk, he continued. 

“Go get some glasses. It _is_ my turn after all, and I don’t think you’re gonna be disappointed.” He told her, grabbing the bottle off the floor. “If you’re up for, that is.” 

She smiled, bending to retrieve some glasses from the drawer. Setting them down, she moved aside to let him pour. He held hers out first when he was done, taking his with him to the window. 

“Come on. Not everyday you get to see a view like this, be a shame to waste it.” He said. 

Sara came to a stop beside him, her eyes flitting from star to star with a curious sort of fascination. She took a drink, briefly taking her attention from the window to her glass. 

“This tastes…” she began, looking for the right word. 

“It’s great, right?” He said. 

“I was going to say really smooth, surprisingly so.” She laughed. “But great works just as well.” 

Kaidan turned his focus back to the window, slowly raising his glass. 

“You know, I never asked. What was Aya like? You weren’t hurt, were you?” He asked, studying her. 

Hard not to think back to what Vetra said. There’s a lot she was bound not to own up to so easily. But he had noticed a few times before that her eyes gave a lot away. Maybe that was most people, he didn’t know “most people”, but he was getting to know her a little better. 

“Aya is amazing. It’s beautiful…” she sighed. “I wasn’t hurt, no. I...have so much to deal with already, but I want to help. Not just the Moshae, I just...don’t know what I can do.” 

She drained her glass, licking her lips slowly. She looked almost...helpless, really. So much on her shoulders already, and willing to accept another cause on top of it. 

“We’ll figure that out.” He told her. 

Sara nodded, turning after she processed it. 

“We?” She asked uncertainly. 

“Yeah.” He replied, refilling their glasses. “I mean, the others too, but...yeah. I’m here for you.” 

_“Your heart rate is increasing. Temperature has risen.” SAM noted._

“Not now, SAM.” She muttered quietly. 

“I didn’t hear anything.” Kaidan told her. 

“I know…” Sara replied, pointing to her head. “I don’t really understand it myself, except to say SAM is in my head, or...something like that? It’s complicated. So, everyone can access SAM, but I _think_ only I can communicate privately. Probably… probably not the best thing to admit, I guess, maybe?”

Kaidan made a face, taking a drink, thinking it over. “Does that mean you don’t get any sort of privacy though?” 

“That’s a good question actually, never thought about it. SAM, can you turn off logging if I ask?” 

“Yes, though I would not advise that unless it’s necessary.” SAM confirmed. 

“That’s good. I mean… I guess I haven’t, but now that I know I can…?” Sara rambled with a shrug. “You know...We talk about me a lot. When are you gonna tell me about you?” 

Sighing, he stared into his whiskey in thought. “Whatever I was is 600 years and another galaxy ago. Wasn’t the point of getting away to have a fresh start in Andromeda? That does seem to be the big reason, right?” 

“You don’t have to. I guess...I kinda...ugh, why is this so hard?” She mumbled. “I really like your company, and if talking about you is off the table, that’s fine, I just want to...show interest? I guess that’s what I’m saying?” 

“I’m just not sure what to say. My records should be available. Mentioned my family was on Earth, rank doesn’t really hold much meaning here yet. Can’t say much about the biotics that you probably don’t already know. I guess...well, like I said. 600 years and another galaxy.” Kaidan sighed. Watching her for a moment, he lightly bumped her shoulder. “Show interest or _show interest?_ ” 

It was said jokingly, although it seemed strange to think some part of him did actually want that clarity. It hadn’t been all that long. Seemed like it should have been impossible to even think of it like that. Sara blushed just the slightest bit at that, finding sudden interest in her shoes.

“Okay, so maybe I don’t have the best way with words…” she said, laughing quietly, nervously. “I mean, it’s not that it’s _not_ like that, and I’m not saying it _is_ . I have eyes...and you’re really cute, I... _shit_ . It’s not like I’ve been looking! Well, I _have_ , but not _much_. Gosh, that’s a lie, it’s kind of a lot.” 

He grinned at the stream of consciousness pouring out. Felt good to think maybe it wasn’t just him sneaking glances. He hadn’t thought too much of her at all, initially, and had guessed that awkwardness would be more of an irritation than anything, but damned if it wasn’t growing on him. Not really like any woman he had known. At least not in a very, very long time. 

“I’m flattered.” He said finally. 

Kaidan finished his drink, setting the glass on the desk. He set the bottle on the desk, taking hers when she handed it to him. He took a seat on the couch. Sara moves to sit by him, standing again almost immediately, pointing to the other side. 

“I could sit over there, actually? Whole couch, after all.” She hummed thoughtfully, more to herself. 

“Just take a seat, already!” He laughed. 

He grabbed her hand, pulling her down by him. She tumbled, landing half on him. Sitting up slowly, she stopped, lending it some thought. She leaned her head by his shoulder, looking at him questioningly. Kaiden nodded once, hesitantly slinging an arm around her. Her breath was warm, but careful, almost like she wanted to cry, but she wouldn’t. Not her style. Maybe this was as close as she was willing to get to that. 

“I’m sorry...I’ll move in a moment. I just...need this.” She admitted quietly. 

He sighed, head resting against hers. “Yeah. Me too.” 


	6. Chapter 6

“Should have gone to Havarl. Or I guess asked Jaal more questions.” Sara grumbled under her breath. 

“The heaters might be warmer if you get out?” Liam suggested. 

Jaal came back, opening the door long enough to throw in a few blankets, shaking his head. Seemed a stubborn thing to stay put when it was surely warmer in the resistance base. He supposed it must be partially on him for expecting her to do anything different after nearly a week of driving around, dealing with Kett and assisting the resistance. 

Sara wrapped up in a blanket, thinking it over. They had to wait for word from Evfra anyway. No point in  _ not _ staying in the Tempest. A hot shower, a nice warm bed. She’d kill for a hot bowl of soup. No, that was a lie. Well, no. Not a lie, depending on who it had to be. No...she’d probably still just get the soup the normal way. 

“Maybe I’m delirious. I’m focusing way too much on the soup.” She muttered. “Ooh. Or chili. I haven’t had chili in ages…” 

“I really don’t think  _ anyone  _ has, actually.” Kaidan said. 

Sara whipped her head around, jumping just a bit. “Shit, you scared me! I thought you left with Liam and Jaal…” she sunk into her seat with a quiet sigh. “I suppose I can be content in the knowledge that you already know I’m weird…” 

Kaidan stretched out in the back, shrugging a shoulder. “I don’t know about  _ weird _ , that’s a little subjective. You are incredibly awkward, and  _ definitely  _ not following any regs I’ve heard of. I wouldn’t say that’s a  _ bad _ thing.” 

“So...did you just come to hear me talk about hot food or did Liam talk your ear off?” She asked after far too long a pause. 

Overthinking it, absolutely. Practically a hobby. 

“No, but I appreciate the subject.” He laughed. “I don’t know...just been a little while since we had a chance to talk and…” 

“Not since...I...wow, I guess I kind of threw myself at you. I didn’t even ask, just…” she realized. 

“It’s fine. My shoulder is there if you need it. It was a  _ hug _ , Sara. Not exactly the end of the world.” Kaidan assured her. “Right...I was going to say I sort of missed talking to you. Since you brought it up though. What haven’t you had since leaving the Milky Way that you miss most?” 

Wasn’t exactly what he meant to say, but it was something. Besides, now he sort of wanted to know the answer. 

“My mom once took Scott and I to this little diner. Dad took us again the last time we were on Earth. It probably sounds lame, or...I don’t know, excessive? But I had a bowl of mac and cheese, some meatloaf, mashed potatoes and hands down the best pecan pie I’ve ever had. Probably never have it again, but it’s nice to think about.” Sara decided. “What about you?” 

“I like to think I’m easy to please. I’d settle for just about anything  _ real _ . I mean, not that the substitutes aren’t...close enough, I guess, but it’s not the same.” He said. “I guess if I had to pick one thing, maybe a steak?” 

Sara tipped her head back against the seat, closing her eyes for a moment. “Let me guess, an inch thick, medium rare, side of potatoes and a beer?”

Kaidan laughed. “Good guess.” 

“Pretty much a family tradition.” She said. 

He nodded towards the window, heavily tinted, but that wasn’t important. 

“So...been here a while. What’s your favorite part of Andromeda so far?” Kaidan asked conversationally. 

“It’s beautiful...even here in the cold that I’m really,  _ really  _ not liking, it’s still a gorgeous view…” Sara said. 

She turned, laying her head on the middle of the seat, lazily pointing to him. “Your turn, big guy. What do you like most so far?” 

Kaidan inclined just a touch towards her, thinking it over. “You.” 

Sara bit her lip, laughing almost nervously. “Did you mean to say that?” 

He sat up when he realized what she meant. No, he hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that. Somehow, it didn’t really feel right to deny it now that it was out there.

“I didn’t mean to say it  _ now _ .” He confirmed with a sigh. “Whatever happens out here, I’m glad I met you. I agree, it’s beautiful, for sure…” Kaidan wondered for a moment if she was rubbing off on him. Wasn’t usually this hard to say something. He adjusted his blanket up over his chest, more a distraction than the cold. “You’re beautiful too. Strong. Fair. The way everyone seems to get along so well with you. That’s impressive, honestly.” 

Sara watched him briefly. How was she supposed to process that kind of sudden compliment, what did one say to that? It didn’t look like there was even a trace of a “I’m just pulling your leg” kind of reaction. 

“I...maybe you shouldn’t say things like that. I don’t want to misunderstand. It’s been  _ so  _ many years since I’ve heard anything like that, you know? I’ll probably take it the wrong way.” She explained. “I...think I am taking it the wrong way now, actually…” 

“I guess I don’t know what way you’re interpreting it, honestly. I know how it was intended, but -“ he was cut off abruptly. 

Sara leaned halfway over the back seat, her hands barely touching his face. He couldn’t figure out how to react immediately to the presence of her mouth against his. He wasn’t even fully set on how he  _ wanted _ to react. Didn’t need much time to consider it though, before he was pulling her over the seat the rest of the way, tugging gently on her hair tie for the express purpose of running his fingers through it. 

_ Real original _ , he figured, but she didn’t seem to care if it was or not. Sara slowly pulled away, catching her breath. 

“So...uh. That was...really impulsive and probably not the best idea I’ve ever had, and I am so... _ so _ -“ Sara began. 

“See, that’s, that’s actually pretty funny.” He told her. 

“Huh? What? Why is that funny?” Sara asked, confused. 

Kaidan moved to sit up, gently pulling her back again. “It’s kind of like you read my mind.” 

He leaned in to kiss her again, before there was an almost urgent knock on the window. 

“Guys, let me in, you were right, it’s freezing out here!” Liam complained. 

Kaidan reluctantly let go of her, watching her unlock the door. 

“Told you. Planet’s -40. Colder than frozen Hell.” Sara told him. 

“Yeah, well just...wait, weren’t you up front before?” Liam asked, noticing the change after a moment. “I mean, I can take front?” 

“Oh no. My Nomad, front seat is mine. Nice try, though.” Sara said with a forced laugh. 

“Actually, might want to figure out where you want to sleep too, Alenko. Jaal’s on his way back too. Not cold or anything. Just figured if everyone was here, he might as well be too.” 

Kaidan immediately slid over the seat as well. “Looks like we’re ‘roommates’ tonight.” 

“Yeah…” she sighed. “Just me or does it feel smaller in here?”

“Not just you.” Kaidan agreed. 


	7. Chapter 7

Sara turned her comms off with a sigh. Kaidan chuckled to himself. The last hour had been a heated argument between two distinct camps among the crew. The “Sending the Pathfinder to Kadara alone is probably the worst idea ever” camp and “She can handle it.” Pretty even split honestly. Everyone fell pretty predictably too. 

“I suppose you have an opinion on this?” She asked finally.

He sat down on the sofa, raising a brow when she put her legs over him. Rather than saying a word, she gave him a look that seemed to wordlessly challenge him to say something about it. Instead, he smirked, grabbing her legs firmly, tickling her foot. 

“Ahh! That’s not even fair!” She shrieked, trying to pull her feet away. 

“No? You didn’t want me to do that?” He asked teasingly. 

He stopped after taking a little bit to enjoy the way she glared at him. His mind wandered back to Kadara. Sure, he didn’t worry so much about small groups of Remnant or Kett, at this point it was predictable and a bit of caution was all but a guarantee to come back in one piece. Hell, if it was just a few of either, he’d absolutely trust her to handle it alone. These were exiles, mostly human, and if there was one thing that really said ‘unpredictable’, it was that. Sending her in by herself seemed an incredibly poor choice. This time, unlike first contact on Aya, they hadn’t been advised to stay put. Vetra was already planning to look into leads she had already arranged this far from the planet. Liam wouldn’t pass up a chance to look around and Cora was certainly planning to keep an eye on things so nothing went missing. 

He’d leave too, although he wasn’t exactly sure what to do. His job had been almost exclusively following her, keeping her safe, and it didn’t put his mind at ease in the least to know there wasn’t a single thing he could do anywhere but at her side this time. It was something that Evfra seemed to believe she was completely capable. 

“Sara...I know you’re not helpless. If anyone can do this, I believe it’s you. That said, I’d be lying if I said I completely felt absolutely comfortable with this.” He answered finally. 

“Well well, I had no idea you cared, Alenko.” Sara joked.

His hand came down, hovering above her leg for a time, as though not quite sure what to do with it once he started. 

“I’ll try to be a little more obvious.” He laughed. “Though I should take this time to remind you that I was actually not the one who kissed first.” 

Sara nodded in agreement. “That’s true. I think I did say it was impulsive. I...don’t usually do that.” 

She sat up, moving to lay her head on his shoulder. He slung his arm around her shoulder. 

“You okay?” He asked. 

Sara shook her head slowly, almost like she wasn’t even really sure of the answer. 

“I guess?” She shrugged. “I just...this is a lot, isn’t it? They keep asking more of me, of the crew...I mean… people can only handle so much, I don’t want to keep asking with no promise of when the work will let up. I guess it’s probably easier for me with SAM, I can push myself a little harder, and adapt to it, but...hell, Liam took a bullet on the last mission, and Jaal...this is getting personal pretty fast. Not to mention  _ you _ . You gave up everything to be here, and I can’t imagine I make it easy.” 

Kaidan laid his head against hers for a moment. Squeezing her shoulder firmly. 

“Sara...Liam was  _ grazed _ . He’s not going to die, and Jaal? The Angara are pretty open, I think if it was too much for him, he would have told you by now. It’s a lot to process, sure, but he’s holding it together.” He told her. He moved his arm, his hand resting on her chin, gently directing her to look at him. “As for me? Don’t worry about me...yes, I have given everything up to be here, and it wasn’t my idea to come here, but I want you to know...I’m glad I’m here. I’m not babysitting you, you’re not a burden. I  _ like _ being around you.” 

Sara looked at him skeptically, searching his face for even a slight trace that he was just saying that for her benefit, or that he might be joking. There was none, and somehow that was more difficult to understand than if she  _ had _ found those signs. 

“You  _ really _ don’t mind?” She asked. 

“If you need another reason, the view is pretty nice.” He said. 

“Oh, that’s true, Eos was pretty mem- wait…” She stopped, squinting suspiciously. “You...didn’t mean the planets, did you?” 

Laughing, he shrugged. “Guilty.” 

“Did it get warm in here? It feels warm in here…” she mumbled. “Oh, hey, look at that, some great colors out there, must be pretty close to Kadara, right?” 

“Is it really  _ that _ uncomfortable to hear a compliment?” He asked. 

“Yes, actually. I mean...Cora is strong, and confident, and PeeBee is a genius with this remnant tech, and Vetra is just...so sweet, and resourceful, and a hell of a shot. I’m...still not even sure what I bring to this besides SAM. I’m not asking for someone to tell me what’s good about me, I’m just...trying to figure out my place here.” She sighed. 

“Here’s the thing, you’re not Cora, or PeeBee, or Vetra, and it’s good that you respect them, but you don’t need to try to be them, not and lose yourself in the process.” He said. 

She bit her lip, twisting her hair through her fingers thoughtfully. Maybe he had a point. Maybe comparing herself to everyone else all the time really wasn’t the best way to find out who she could really become. People were forged and tested in stress and that probably meant this was the best possible challenge. 

“Hey…” she said. 

“Yeah?” He replied. 

“Would it be completely weird if I said I wanted to -“ she began. 

His hand moved again, resting at the back of her head, bringing her closer. He kissed her, maybe more than a bit pleased with the look she gave him, almost a curious sort of awe, like she might have thought he read her mind. Really, it was just a hopeful guess, one he hoped he wasn’t wrong about. 

Sara leaned into him, his hands resting on her lower back, her fingertips nervously careening over his shoulders, trailing up the back of his neck and back down. 

“Ryder, we’re docking at Kadara.” Kallo announced. 

Sara pulled away with a frustrated sigh, rolling her eyes. Kaidan patted her side apologetically, watching her grab her armor, tossing her helmet back down. 

“With any luck, this will be a quick trip.” She muttered. “Just gotta find the bar and see what it is I’m supposed to be doing here.” 

“Be careful.” Kaidan told her. 

“I will. Try not to miss me too much.” She said jokingly. 


	8. Chapter 8

“I can’t be the only one curious about why we’re still here. Ryder got the information, right? Sloane clearly isn’t eager to have an initiative outpost on Kadara. What’s the point of sticking around?” Liam asked curiously over a beer. 

“If you’re curious, you could just try asking. She’s not going to brush it off, she doesn’t keep her plans secret, normally.” Vetra sighed. “I don’t get why this is such a hard concept.” 

“Yeah, I guess…” Liam shrugged. “I get maybe solving a murder, but the rest of this? What is it really doing?” 

“She’s going to a party with some guy.” PeeBee said, glancing up from her notes. “What?” 

“Were you in her email again?” Vetra asked. 

“Her password is super easy to figure out, and she never changed it after the last few times. As far as I’m concerned? That’s an open invitation.” She said nonchalantly. 

“You can’t keep doing this, she’s going to be furious…” Vetra muttered. 

“I’m not even sure she knows how to be angry.” PeeBee replied. 

“Just because you  _ can _ do it, doesn’t mean you  _ should.”  _ Kaidan agreed with Vetra. “What party though? Seriously, did she mention a party to anyone?” 

“SEE?! You’re curious.” PeeBee said. “Someone named Reyes called earlier. Same name I saw in her email.” 

“Reyes? Wasn’t that the guy she mentioned she was helping?” Liam asked, trying to keep up. 

“Yes. I recall the name. Talked to her over comms during the investigation.” Cora added, making a face over a cup of water. “Drack was there too, but I don’t think he was paying attention to the conversation.” 

“So...is it some kind of private thing? If she didn’t mention it, guessing we’re not going to get to go?” Liam asked. 

“Do you really want to go?” Vetra questioned.

“Not really. Just sucks that we weren’t invited.” He admitted. 

“My understanding is that even  _ she  _ wasn’t invited. If Reyes hadn’t invited her, she probably wouldn’t get to go either.” PeeBee said. “Sloane is hosting.” 

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” Kaidan said. “Could be a trap.” 

“That dress she left in has  _ nothing _ to do with you saying that, does it?” PeeBee questioned. 

“It was strange to see her in a dress.” Liam added. “Kinda managed to forget she’s not just one of the guys…” 

“No, the dress has nothing to do with it. It doesn’t really matter what she wears, it doesn’t change the fact that someone could use it as an opening. Not exactly popular here.” Kaidan denied. 

“He has a point. Considering the Roekaar involvement, that would not be a bad place to make an attempt on her life.” Jaal agreed.

“It would be useful if the goal was destroying the initiative. Ryder is the only pathfinder at the moment. It makes sense.” Vetra said with a nod. 

“Yeah, I’m not saying that’s  _ not _ possible. But I’ve seen all those  _ unsent emails _ .” PeeBee said knowingly. “You can play it off all you like, but I  _ know _ .” 

Kaidan frowned. “You’ve been reading  _ my  _ emails too?” 

“Again. A stronger password could help. Liam’s is easy too.” She admitted. 

“This conversation isn’t getting us anywhere. What exactly are we supposed to do?” Kaidan asked, temporarily willing to ignore the breach of privacy, even as he was actively changing his password. “If we’re not invited, how are we supposed to make sure no one gets the chance?” 

Vetra interjected. “All we really can do is watch the area, keep eyes out for anyone suspicious. If I knew another way in, I’d suggest it.” 

“I’ll stay by the dock. I don’t trust anyone here.” Cora announced. 

“I’ll take a high point.” Vetra volunteered. 

“I can monitor the marketplace?” Jaal offered. 

“I got the bar.” Liam announced. 

“Guess I'll watch outside Sloane’s place. If she’s holding the party, the doors seem like the best option.” Kaidan said. 

“Drack and I can wander around. Cover the widest area.” PeeBee said. 

“Keep comms open. If anything suspicious happens, we can stay in contact.” Cora instructed. 

  
  


Sara slunk off from the main room. Umi’s drink didn’t hit too hard at first, but after dancing on the tables, stealing Sloane’s throne (earning a pretty severe look in the process) and passing out for a while, it seemed like maybe the best thing to do was to find Reyes before she had any more chances to completely fuck everything up. 

“Angaran wine and ryncol” would not exactly be a valid excuse for accidentally starting an incident, after all. 

Really though, impressive how it still seemed to be affecting her. She stopped, turning first one way, then the other, waving a finger in the air as though trying to figure out which way she had intended to go. 

“SAM, am I going the right way? Which way did Reyes get to?” She muttered. 

With some generous assistance, she found the right room, leaning against the wall, watching him poke through Sloane’s stuff. She could have called him on it, but really, it was much more fun to see how long it would take him to notice she was there. 

“Ryder.” He said, by way of greeting. He didn’t look up initially. “Almost done.” 

“What exactly is it you hope to find in here?” She asked, genuinely curious. 

He stood up, crossing the few steps to stand in front of her. 

“I could tell you. But what can I say, I prefer surprises. You’ll benefit. I think you’ll- shit.” He trailed off. 

“Is that…” she muttered. 

“Someone’s coming.” Reyes confirmed. 

“This isn’t the place to be caught. I might have gotten on Sloane’s shitlist.” Sara admitted. 

She panicked a bit, quickly reaching for him, all but yanking him into a surprisingly natural looking kiss. Maybe it was a little unfair, but Kaidan had popped into her mind, trying to figure out how to get out of this without issue. The footsteps faded away after a time, and she let up, staring at her shoes, unsure what to say about the whole thing. Thankfully, he seemed willing to let it slide. He went back to snooping around, pulling something from behind a shelf, before he spoke. 

“Found it, let’s get out of here!” He announced. 

He reached for her hand, pulling her to follow. Sara eyed the silver bottle in his other hand, trying to decide between asking about it, or asking why his fingers had found their way between hers. Could still be part of that unplanned little act, but why then were they out in the open now, climbing upward, rather than directly away where it would have been quicker to get to safety. Sara instead focused on crossing her legs. Not that anyone was probably watching, but being this visible, at this vantage point, in a dress? Not ideal. 

“Eyes on Ryder.” PeeBee announced. 

“Where? I don’t see her?” Kaidan asked. 

“Up. Look up.” PeeBee directed. 

Sara’s heart leapt into her throat, feeling his fingers on her cheek. Reyes kissing her again kind of felt a little strange to her. Keenly aware of how high up they were, she clutched his arms, half-leaning into him out of a strange sense of vertigo more than anything. Did no good to try and figure out if there was ever an indication that there was interest on his part. She was just awful when it came to flirting, seemed like it would have been obvious if she had given any sort of signals? Ahhh. No. Now his message made sense. His plus one, like a date. She had asked jokingly, expecting he might deny it. Didn’t even occur to her that he actually  _ didn’t.  _

“I see her.” Kaidan announced. 

He wanted to look away. Didn’t feel right to watch that. It hurt, surprisingly. Then again, it wasn’t as though he had actually expressed any intentions toward her, or actually her for him, but it kind of felt like… no. There was probably too much he was reading into it. Still...worth a talk when she got back. He wasn’t going to torture himself like this unless he knew what exactly she wanted. 

“Looks like she’s just fine. I’ll head back.” He said. 

“Looks like she’s a bit more than that. Bet if you zoom, you can see everything.” PeeBee said. 

“Really? Hardly seems appropriate to spy.” Vetra lectured. “Alenko is right. Let’s just get back to the Tempest.” 

“Wow. You guys really are no fun.” PeeBee muttered. 


	9. Chapter 9

Sara looked almost sick when she returned, disappearing into the bathroom for so long, the thought of bothering her, either for confrontation or discussion, seemed out of the question. He couldn’t even decide what it was he meant to say, and he held his silence far longer than he meant to. 

Days, weeks more of idle chatter and drinks. Memories shared, quiet time spent watching the stars. The outpost on Kadara thriving, Reyes watching it, and strangely, whatever interest he had thought there was had clearly faded if the distaste on her face when he’d send an update said much. Kaidan hadn’t felt quite like probing, clearly it was something she had no desire to talk about. PeeBee had tried to broach the subject, even Liam and Jaal had asked, only for her to make the same face, walking out as if she were drawing an invisible line. Whatever happened, Vetra and Cora had been privy to and neither were talking about it. 

It wasn’t until they were working side by side with the Salarian Pathfinder, on the way to the Archon’s chambers that Kaidan regretted his silence. He had watched her die, watched her skin pale, not so much as a flutter as SAM tried repeatedly to bring her back again. There was time enough to think that was it. She was just gone, and there was nothing he could do about it, he and Vetra suspended and unable to move. 

Sara finally gasped, her chest rising and her body struggling to sit up, unsteadily returning to her feet, stumbling over to the console to drop the energy field. 

“Sara, are you -“ he had managed. 

“I’ll be fine. Raeka's life is on the line, we need to keep moving…” she had said. 

* * *

  
  


That was almost a different Sara from the one he stared at now. She shuffled over to the window, but not really looking out. Her shoulders sagged. Drack was pleased she was able to save the Krogan on the ship, but at the cost of Raeka’s life. One of the few times you could see just how this job was crushing her. Sure, he wanted that talk now, but how could he when she looked like that? Sighing to himself, he went to the desk, pouring drinks. Sara gave a half smile at that, turning her back to the world outside the window. She took the glass he offered. 

Sara turned the glass back and forth in her fingers, the light filtering through, leaving glimmering jewel reflections on the wall and warm, spiced amber rolling back and forth like a miniature sea. 

“Too quiet for you, Alenko?” She joked weakly. 

“Yeah, actually.” He admitted. He took a sip as though it might make everything better somehow. “Sara...I saw you die. That’s the second time you’ve been dead since we got here...and I don’t think waiting any longer is an option when it’s so clear this galaxy seems to want you dead.”

Sara laughed, but there was no humor in it. It wasn’t her usual dorky giggle, it was one that seemed to agree for whatever reason, Andromeda had it out for her and she wasn’t liking it in the least. Her lips twisted slightly and she sighed, taking a drink before she registered his words in their entirety. 

“Wait? Wait for what?” She asked behind a quiet groan, induced by the burn at the back of her throat, the scorpion-like stinging burn of a good, strong drink. “What were you waiting for?” 

He sighed heavily, shifting his posture. His elbows on his knees, dark eyes cast to the floor. He tipped his head as if suggesting she sit. She did, turned to the side to face him properly. 

“That night...on Kadara, I...saw you kissing Reyes, and...I don’t really want to admit it, but I was jealous. I realize I had no reason to be, I mean...it’s not like there was ever anything spoken about it between us. I never told you my feelings, or asked yours.” He shook his head. This was still harder than he imagined, even after running through a thousand possibilities, trying to account for every possible scenario. The way she stared at him was not one he had thought of. “I don’t know...is it crazy?” 

Sara grimaced at the mention of Reyes, shaking her head. “That kiss only happened because I was drunk and worried I’d fall. I’m not going to lie, Reyes...he was pretty cool, right up until he decided not to clue me in on who he really was. I didn’t appreciate being made a pawn as if I couldn’t have handled him just telling me who he was to start with.” She paused her rant to take a breath and another drink. “I...you’re not crazy. It’s been a long, long time since I felt like you were just another member of the team…” 

That answer still hit him hard. Not at all what he expected, though in complete fairness, he really didn’t know what he expected in the first place. Her left hand reached over, fingers sweeping through his hair thoughtfully. She sighed a bit. Still a lot to consider. Still needed to find the Turian ark and the Asari, but it was a start. Scott wasn’t out of the woods yet, and there were a million things left to take care of without adding Meridian into it. Here? Now? With all of this out in the open? It was difficult to think of it as pressing when those problems seemed _so far_ away. 

“Kaidan…” she said quietly. 

“Hm?” He asked over the rim of his glass. 

“Stay here tonight. I - I could really use the company.” She admitted guiltily. 

Kaidan was absolutely going to, but he had to ask. “What is this, Sara? I want a definitive answer. I’ll stay, just...I guess the answer decides if I stay with you or on the sofa…” 

“I don’t know how I can be any clearer.” Sara whispered. “I want to be with you.” 

He set his drink on the table, and she mirrored him, setting hers down, more as a reaction than anything done with intent. Kaidan gently pulled her closer, dipping his head down to give a soft, quick kiss. 

“Clear enough for me.” He told her. “Guess that means I’m in the bed, huh?” 

“Guess so.” She nodded, as though the answer should have been completely obvious. “Gonna finish my drink first though.” 


	10. Chapter 10

Kaidan handed Ryder a cup of coffee, leaning back against the counter next to her. PeeBee giggled, looking between the two like she wanted to say something, but instead smiled knowingly, walking out of the kitchen. Liam watched her, looking back at them curiously. 

“Did I miss something?” He asked. 

“No.” Sara and Kaidan said almost in unison. 

“You’re acting weird. Well, weirder than usual.” Liam observed. “Whatever though, right? It’s all good.” 

Frowning, he sighed. “I mean, something happened, right?”

“Invaded the Archon’s ship, found the Salarians, and died?” Sara said vaguely. 

“You could have just told me it’s none of my business. I mean, that’s what Cora usually tells me?” Liam sighed. 

“It’s none of your business, Kosta,” Kaidan replied over his mug. 

* * *

Sara closed her eyes, fingers lazily wandering over his chest, daring to continue lower a strange, half hazy reaction to the way he kissed her. Somewhere in the warmth, beyond the slight tinge of spice still lingering from their drinks, she slowly pulled away, stomach tensing slightly with his touch. 

“Second thoughts?” He asked curiously. 

“No,” she told him, “SAM, turn off logging for the night…” 

Kaidan waited, hands slowly inching up her sides, lingering just below her breasts, gently biting up her neck. Her pulse beat faster just beneath her skin, calloused thumb grazing her nipple. Skin hummed against skin, rippling, fading. Sara’s breath caught low in her throat, the slight expansion of her ribs an interesting reminder of how unusually natural it felt. It was almost a given that she might be awkward, a touch of anxiety perhaps. What was unexpected was the light tendrils of his own nerves radiating through his chest. She tipped her head to the side like an offering, inhaling sharply when his tongue lightly followed the scrape of teeth, the plush cushion of warm lips. 

Her nails trailed faintly over his hips, her face reddening over the gentle push against her palms. His skin rose in prominent goosebumps, a small half-smile tugging at the corner of her lips. 

“Still pretty tense…” Kaidan noted. “You sure you’re alright?” 

“Out of my element, that’s all.” She admitted. “I mean, I’m not old fashioned or anything just didn’t have much downtime before. Not...entirely sure what to do.” 

“Figured Dr. T’Perro would have covered all this just for the sake of thorough record-keeping?” He asked jokingly. 

“Oh yeah, in between making sure I keep an eye on Drack to lecturing me about SAM killing me, there was a nice long discussion about what happens when two people _really_ love each other.” She said sarcastically. “I mean, in theory, I know how it works. Just not in practice.” 

Kaidan smacked a kiss just below her navel, feeling her stomach sink and pull taut, exhaling in a heavy puff, head falling back bit by bit into the pillow. Part of him was glad she hadn’t asked. Seemed a bit sad to have to explain that his past was a series of ‘almosts’ and ‘what ifs’. Suppose this night would go down likely filed under “maybe not perfect, but memorable”. Doubtful she saw too much from behind her eyelids, and he’d already seen plenty of her face to have every mark detailed in his mind, the way she wore her makeup, every freckle, the still healing burn grazing near her eye, all things he had gotten to know well over the course of months in her proximity. This was seeing the same sights at a different time, when the light hit differently, the difference between sunrise and sunset. Her features the same, but twisted in relief, in a sort of tense anguish, with a unique brand of suffering. He was never good at labeling his thoughts like that. 

Sara’s thighs trembled, hips swaying slowly, her fingers loosely raking through his hair, shakily pulling loosely. He liked the way she looked, chest rising and falling steadily, her heart thumping visibly just beneath her skin between each breath, lips parting at odd moments, tongue sweeping over them before her teeth pressed firmly over her lower lip, reddening with the strain of struggling for silence. 

SAM might not be keeping records, but that was no guarantee everyone was already in bed. She wasn’t one to invite questions she didn’t feel like she could answer, and honestly, he was already slightly annoyed at the lack of privacy here, no need to invite even less of it unnecessarily. her nails scraped gently against his scalp, soft, yet barely controlled moaning emphasizing what she wouldn't voice. 

Slowly pulling away, smiling at the sort of half-gone look she finally gave him. 

”Do you need anything? Water. A bit to catch your breath?” he asked. 

Sara sat up, leaning against her pillows. Nodding slightly, “Water sounds good.” 

Kaidan pecked her cheek, opting for clean glasses, glancing over his shoulder. Sara quickly looked up, then away. Sara took the water when he offered it, raising a brow in an attempt to play it off. 

“I saw that smirk.” She commented curiously. 

He hovered by her ear “ _I_ saw where your eyes went.” 

Clearing her throat, she took a drink, trying to decide what, if anything to say. No point in denying it, and really, she didn’t want to. 

“Of course I was looking. I’d have to be blind not to notice that you’re…” she lost confidence, trailing off. Look, you spend a lot of time in front of me. If it helps, I spent a long time looking at your back before...well...before I didn’t.” 

“You don’t have to be nervous. I mean considering where I _just_ was, telling me you’ve been checking out my _assets_ isn’t going to bother me.” He laughed. 

Sara finished her water quickly, putting the empty glass on her stand, leaning back on her elbows. Kaidan trailed his free hand over her thigh, intentionally sipping his water slower. There was something mildly satisfying about the way her lower lip sagged in a light pout, after a few minutes, he finally put it off to the side, spreading out next to her. She gripped his sides, pulling him over her impatiently. 

* * *

“Pretty standard boring night. We’ve had plenty of those since we woke up.” Sara added flatly. 

Liam sighed, nodding in agreement. “Can say that again. Guess I’ll go to my room until I’m needed…” 

After he left, Kaidan carefully adjusted her hair, moving her headphones just a touch to the side.

“Was it showing?” She asked curiously. 

“A bit. Can’t see it now.” He confirmed. 

Taking a drink of her coffee, she focused on her shoes as though they were the most exciting thing she’d seen in some time. 

“Maybe…” she mumbled. “I mean, if you’re interested, maybe tonight, you might consider evening that out?” 

“Hmm. Yeah, maybe. I’ll have to check my schedule. I have a pretty important job, so it really depends on what the Pathfinder has going on tonight…” he said seriously. 

Sara pretended to actually consult a schedule that simply didn’t exist, nodding. “There’s some pretty important pathfinding that I’ve got to get to.” Acting like it was the hardest decision she had to make, she hummed quietly. “This sounds pretty critical, so I guess I’ll just have to clear it.” 

“My night just opened up.” He chuckled.   
  


“Ryder, whenever you’re free, I wanted to speak to you.” Dr. T’Perro said. 

Sara frowned. “I had my shots before we left, and I’m pretty sure you already ran every test imaginable.” 

“I’m aware. I just want to double check. Dying takes a toll, Ryder.” She lectured. 

Sara finished her coffee, setting her mug on the counter, rolling her eyes. Kaidan bit back a laugh. She trudged out of the kitchen reluctantly, waving to him on her way out. 

Finishing his coffee, he sighed. If they had a direction, it would be a while before they arrived anywhere. Doubtful there was much to do before then, but he could stand to see Vetra about another favor in the mean time. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Y'all I just realized I didn’t do an incredible job of editing this, I apologize.


End file.
